Countdown to See my bestie once again...

Day 16

"Draw a family on your toes!

...the pinkytoe can be a Midget!(and you should totally put up a pic of this :) )"

Day 15
"Pick your nose...you know you've secretly always wanted to!
...did you do it? haha YOU DID? wow thats gross your sick!"

•  NO LANA I DIDNT DO IT YOU DORK!!! LMAO

Day 14
"Enjoy life cause one day you might see a double rainbow"

• AWWW  i forgot to tell you at football we saw a double full rainbow like this!!! LMAO but i didnt have a freak out like this:

Day 13
"If no ones home blast your music and sing. yea blast that shit.
Song Suggestion:
Fuck you by Cee Low(i think thats what its called if it doesnt work text me!)"

• ♥ Rocking out in my room... well since mom was home all day and i went to Stoney's can we classify that as me rocking out? And the Car ride over to Stoney's I was rockin out! ♥

Day 12
"i laughed cause it was funny *Dorky Grin Smiley* :D"

Day 11
"Chew a bunch of gum then take a pic blowing a giant bubble"
**** IN PROCESS OF UPLOADING PIC!! STANDBY****
Day 10
"You know you want to have my babies"

Little Larbibuttbugs

• OH LANE YOU CAUGHT ME! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT! bahahaha Oh and you know our babies would look amazing so just give it dammit! btw i thought this would be hilarious!!!! i found a free site that would make our babies :P ...i seriously think it looks more like u and kyle which pisses me off lmao!

Day 09
"Let make a toast"

Day 08

"Do you like pina colladas?(sp) Getting caught in the rain? Making love at Midnight?-we all know the answer to that!"

• yes,yes,yes and HOW DID YOU KNOW I LIKED ALL THREE OF THESE THINGS!

i liked...

i liked the way you smiled at me.. i liked the way you would hold me from behind. it would make me feel safe and that you completely loved me and would never let me go. i liked the way we kissed in the rain and it never felt like it was cold for one minute when in reality it was freezing out. i liked the way you brushed my insanely long hair out of my face so you can just look at me. i liked the way you kissed my forehead when i was sad. i liked the way you held me and jumped in front of the swing when you knew it scared the cracker jacks out of me! i liked the way your hair would grow out really long n ud cut it and id complain but in reality my favorite thing was knowing how many days we had left until youd get another hair cut. i liked when you called my name... i liked that if i got embarrassed youd grab me and id know i was silly for even being embarrassed. i liked that you would know exactly what i was thinking and that sometimes wed say the same things. i liked that you let the world disappear n it would only be... me and you. i like that you understand my ridiculous rambles and that you listen to everything when i rant! and then you say "Well thats life sugah" i like that youd let me go back to him even when you knew id only be hurt over and over again. You wouldnt tell me hes no good for you you let me find out for myself. i like that everytime i got hurt and came back to you you were no matter what still there. i like that i can see it perfectly now. i like that answer you had when he made me ask if there could ever be an us... you said yes. I wanted to cry and say screw him and just run to you and say fuck the world... but i didnt because my stupid heart thought there would be change. I didnt realize it then... that all i wanted was to love you and be with you... i think all along i would go and purposley get hurt by him just so i can come back to you is a strong possible scenerio... i know thats a damn lie. but id like to think it wasnt. Id like to think that i knew i loved you all along.. but i know i didnt know then. i knew you were my best friend and you got me and you were still hurt over 'J' and i didnt want you to hurt anymore. i wouldve taken anything to take away that pain from you.. to take away the nightmares and to take away everything that had hurt you with her... you dont deserve that. you may say bullshit like "im a liar and im a theif and im this n that" its all lies you stupid adorible liar... Beacause your actually quite amazing. ilike that you can talk for hours about something to do with the brain and humans. ilike that i can sit for hours and never be bored. i like that everytime we talk or are together i learn something i like that everytime i see you my eyes light up n you can see it. haha i like that when i get awkward you just look at me and are kinda like your a dork and ridiculous! i like that we can laugh together and i love that you loved me back....

but now i dont think there will be anything... cus i may have ran to him one last time to where you wont be there in the morning... we cant talk as we did. and not only did i loose my bestfriend.. i lost my love... you saw things i couldnt and you would help me understand... you made me a better person and helped me thru the times when i couldnt breathe and wanted to literally kill my self... im embarrassed to say that. but you ... well i cant actually say it in real life but on this i will ...

I. L O V E. Y O U. B. B.

ranting

its kinda funny.. how others can fall easily.. but i feel like im back to where i was before i was with him... Hard to fall back. I honestly never fell for them just felt like hey this might be cool or this might work. but they always seemed to fall so damn hard, sometimes all the way. and i feel bad. i dont mean to be the one whos always hurting someone i just cant help it... how come ive dated so many wonderful guys that i fall for that not as wonderful one..haha i find that kinda funny too. I dont understand how that works. I dont understand a lot of things.. but i do know this song makes it all better.



And after hearing it i feel just a little bit better. and it helps. Because i sure as hell dont know everything but im willing to learn.. i dont really feel like ill ever know enough but i do know that i can try. i know that if i dont try ill feel shitty and unacomplished. i know i wont make it far if i dont go to college.. yet i dont want to at the same time. i know the path i have to follow and i know that i may never as well as i may find true love.. but is there really a true love? i mean common no matter what it seems to me that theres still gonna be lies in there.. so nothing really is true. i mean people do it everyday...

1: "HEY hows it going? good to see you"
*in head: shit i hate this person
2: "OH GREAT TO SEE YOU TOOO!! everythings going good, how about you?"
*in head: gawd this guy was such a jerk

Its the same thing all the time. Honestly give it a rest.. If you dont like em dont be fake bout it! i understand keeping the peace n everything but then later on when we leave that person n ur like what a jerk... WOAH 360?! you were all chummy with em! Shit.

OH AND FUCKING J! LEAVE ME THE F ALONE!!!

wow

so i just reread the posts about how much i loved him and how much he meant to me.. and there was a post where i wrote about us being finally over... IM crying so much right now its uncontrolable...

i wish it had ended off with that last one.. where i was happy and felt right bout us endig it... it just happened again and again and we tried multiple times after that... And it hurt everytime.. it felt like you ripped out my heart n sewed it back in over and over and over again.. Everything was a lie....

"That your a lie. The whole relationship was a lie. Everything you had told me that I said to myself never could be a lie..was. I dont doubt you thought you loved me but I doubt your intentions in our relationship. And you have issues if you think you can lie to somone so much and use them because you knew damn well you were her first love and she would do anything for you. You didnt like that I cared about everyone yet you said you LOVED everything about me.. that was a lie if you loved everything about me then you wouldve most def loved that first because thats who i am! I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE!. but you prob didnt want me to because then id listen to the things they were telling me and believe them one day. I found out almost everything you have told me was a total lie. And B completely confirmed it and sent me over the edge. He also reminded me that I am not that stupid and shouldnt have been in a situation like that and he cant believe i let myself. I cant believe I let myself either. But I def can confirm for any non believers out there that…

Love Makes You Do Stupid Things…

I could be the typical heartbroken chick in the end and list off my “maybes” (i.e. Maybe if I had done this.. Myabe if he had..) but honestly where would that lead me? Into regrets. and I dont want to regret this. Im happy I fell in love with the facade of the person who con’ed me. Im happy that I learned so much in the process. I am happy to say that Nothing like this will ever happen again. And because of this I have grown a little bit more. I am ready for a mature relationship and was silly to think that could have been. :P But bring it on and Im glad tohave had that experience and If theres anything else he lied to me about please tell me it only helps :)"

I HATE READING THAT AND THEN GOING TO THIS... i never thought in a million years youd become a facade and id become the silly girl who blindly trusted everything... i cant believe anyone who tells me they love me anymore.. i had trouble believe you had even loved me when you told me that to begin with and now what am i supossed to do! Everything feels like someone using me... and in reality it is kinda like that.. everyone uses everyone for soemthing.. i try not to do to that cus i disagree with it... but i just burst into tears knowing that its human error and nature and bound to happen. like i cant stop everything and i know that but i cant STAND being used and knowing that it will happen again but i hope to gawd i will never be conned again! i dont care if you get annoyed with me constantly asking why you love me or why anythign because i need to know the truth.....