wow

so i just reread the posts about how much i loved him and how much he meant to me.. and there was a post where i wrote about us being finally over... IM crying so much right now its uncontrolable...

i wish it had ended off with that last one.. where i was happy and felt right bout us endig it... it just happened again and again and we tried multiple times after that... And it hurt everytime.. it felt like you ripped out my heart n sewed it back in over and over and over again.. Everything was a lie....

"That your a lie. The whole relationship was a lie. Everything you had told me that I said to myself never could be a lie..was. I dont doubt you thought you loved me but I doubt your intentions in our relationship. And you have issues if you think you can lie to somone so much and use them because you knew damn well you were her first love and she would do anything for you. You didnt like that I cared about everyone yet you said you LOVED everything about me.. that was a lie if you loved everything about me then you wouldve most def loved that first because thats who i am! I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE!. but you prob didnt want me to because then id listen to the things they were telling me and believe them one day. I found out almost everything you have told me was a total lie. And B completely confirmed it and sent me over the edge. He also reminded me that I am not that stupid and shouldnt have been in a situation like that and he cant believe i let myself. I cant believe I let myself either. But I def can confirm for any non believers out there that…

Love Makes You Do Stupid Things…

I could be the typical heartbroken chick in the end and list off my “maybes” (i.e. Maybe if I had done this.. Myabe if he had..) but honestly where would that lead me? Into regrets. and I dont want to regret this. Im happy I fell in love with the facade of the person who con’ed me. Im happy that I learned so much in the process. I am happy to say that Nothing like this will ever happen again. And because of this I have grown a little bit more. I am ready for a mature relationship and was silly to think that could have been. :P But bring it on and Im glad tohave had that experience and If theres anything else he lied to me about please tell me it only helps :)"

I HATE READING THAT AND THEN GOING TO THIS... i never thought in a million years youd become a facade and id become the silly girl who blindly trusted everything... i cant believe anyone who tells me they love me anymore.. i had trouble believe you had even loved me when you told me that to begin with and now what am i supossed to do! Everything feels like someone using me... and in reality it is kinda like that.. everyone uses everyone for soemthing.. i try not to do to that cus i disagree with it... but i just burst into tears knowing that its human error and nature and bound to happen. like i cant stop everything and i know that but i cant STAND being used and knowing that it will happen again but i hope to gawd i will never be conned again! i dont care if you get annoyed with me constantly asking why you love me or why anythign because i need to know the truth.....